Ashamed and rambling about it

I was trying to figure out today what turns me on and be honest about it with my husband and I got nothing. That is when I realized... I am ashamed of just about anything that turns me on, outside of my fantasies! Sometimes I accidentally see something that turns me on, but even if I am alone I immediately turn away or turn it off whatever, and feel ashamed. I mean, you would think that if someone accidentally happened upon something that turned them on and they were alone they would enjoy it for a while before moving along.

Maybe the reasons for this are:

-I do not feel comfortable with my sexual self?
-It hurts my feelings when my husband is turned on by outside sources, and so I feel guilty if I am?
-I am a freak?
-I am afraid of being ridiculed for my sexual taste? Which is quite normal I think...
-I am afraid that if I start getting turned on by other things that my need for my husband would disappear?

Also, I cannot seem to orgasm during sex, and I am usually quite dry. Having the focus on me during sex makes me extremely uncomfortable. I do feel that if I were more in touch with my sexuality and if I was more open with my sexual desires with myself and my husband that our sex life would improve... so why is that not happening?

I do masturbate, but usually by myself and every great once in a while to an erotic novel, which my husband knows about. But I cannot masturbate in the same room with anyone, not even him. I have thought many times if I masturbate and get myself wet before I try to have sex, it would be more enjoyable, but that does not seem to be an option.

This has all been an issue for a long time, but not forever. I do remember times when I was younger that I felt I could be honest about my sexuality, and that being turned on was not something to be ashamed of. So why is it that as I get older I am more sexually repressed? Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?