I hate fighting, but I continue to do it. Tonight I was particularly nasty. It just seems that he is so unmoved by anything I have to say, he has no compassion or even feelings. I could tell him I hate him, I am going to cheat on him, I want to kill myself... and he would just shrug. It's easy to blow up at someone when you know you will have no effect on them.
The fight was about, yes, men looking at other women... sort of. It shouldn't have been as it was a harmless conversation I started out about self help books, but he insisted on arguing and saying that all self help books are crap, and how nobody out to make money can actually help anyone, and how Penn & Teller had a whole episode about how self help books are a load of shit...
Ok, who cares? If they help someone, who cares? If they shine the light a little differently on a subject and it makes you see things in a new light... who cares how much money they make or if their PhD is valid?? And really who gives a rats ass about a Penn & Teller episode, really.
And somehow it all came back to men looking at women, and if he looks or if he doesn't look. He just loves to argue. It's like he knows my sensitive spots, and whenever he knows he is losing a debate with me, he turns it into something he knows I cannot help but argue about. The conversation very quickly turned away from John Grey and Dr. Phil and became about us and our problems.
What really bothers me is that he changes his facts so much, and then denies it! He tells me he does not look at women, he only sometimes notices them, but no more than he would notice a man or a child... but then goes into how all men are hardwired to spread their genes and how all men look and there is nothing wrong with that, and he is a man and if I want a happy marriage than I will have to learn to live with it weather I like it or not.
So tonight I finally snapped. I said fine. Women look too. And I started naming off men I used to find attractive (but in the fight I left out the used to part) and told him that from now on I would be "noticing" men. If guys could go to bars and check out chicks, than so could I with men. And maybe if I start noticing men I might start feeling sexy again! And how maybe they will notice me back. I told him he is the only person I want to get attention from, but since I never see him checking me out (but I get to hear about how checking out other women is normal) and he never tells me I am beautiful or compliments me, I guess I will just have to get that attention elsewhere.
I know I see things in black and white. I don't know why, or how to stop. I see relationships working in two ways; either you both are faithful and love each other and have eyes only for each other, or you are swingers and enjoy the "Lifestyle" and share. When you start getting into the gray area I get nervous! How can a man truely love his wife if he is out looking elsewhere, thinking sexual thoughts about this woman and that woman... if he is doing that then why is he not enjoying the "Lifestyle"?
The only way I can see someone in a monogamous relationship checking out others is if they are not getting their needs met at home. Period. How can I be OK with my husband checking out other women? Even if he says he doesn't do it, I don't believe him at the moment. And should I be OK with that? Everyone else seems to be. Why don't I look at other men? Why don't I think other people are "hot". What is wrong with me?
The fight was about, yes, men looking at other women... sort of. It shouldn't have been as it was a harmless conversation I started out about self help books, but he insisted on arguing and saying that all self help books are crap, and how nobody out to make money can actually help anyone, and how Penn & Teller had a whole episode about how self help books are a load of shit...
Ok, who cares? If they help someone, who cares? If they shine the light a little differently on a subject and it makes you see things in a new light... who cares how much money they make or if their PhD is valid?? And really who gives a rats ass about a Penn & Teller episode, really.
And somehow it all came back to men looking at women, and if he looks or if he doesn't look. He just loves to argue. It's like he knows my sensitive spots, and whenever he knows he is losing a debate with me, he turns it into something he knows I cannot help but argue about. The conversation very quickly turned away from John Grey and Dr. Phil and became about us and our problems.
What really bothers me is that he changes his facts so much, and then denies it! He tells me he does not look at women, he only sometimes notices them, but no more than he would notice a man or a child... but then goes into how all men are hardwired to spread their genes and how all men look and there is nothing wrong with that, and he is a man and if I want a happy marriage than I will have to learn to live with it weather I like it or not.
So tonight I finally snapped. I said fine. Women look too. And I started naming off men I used to find attractive (but in the fight I left out the used to part) and told him that from now on I would be "noticing" men. If guys could go to bars and check out chicks, than so could I with men. And maybe if I start noticing men I might start feeling sexy again! And how maybe they will notice me back. I told him he is the only person I want to get attention from, but since I never see him checking me out (but I get to hear about how checking out other women is normal) and he never tells me I am beautiful or compliments me, I guess I will just have to get that attention elsewhere.
I know I see things in black and white. I don't know why, or how to stop. I see relationships working in two ways; either you both are faithful and love each other and have eyes only for each other, or you are swingers and enjoy the "Lifestyle" and share. When you start getting into the gray area I get nervous! How can a man truely love his wife if he is out looking elsewhere, thinking sexual thoughts about this woman and that woman... if he is doing that then why is he not enjoying the "Lifestyle"?
The only way I can see someone in a monogamous relationship checking out others is if they are not getting their needs met at home. Period. How can I be OK with my husband checking out other women? Even if he says he doesn't do it, I don't believe him at the moment. And should I be OK with that? Everyone else seems to be. Why don't I look at other men? Why don't I think other people are "hot". What is wrong with me?
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